Rhod Gilbert on BBC Radio Wales.

If you are listening to this, you are listening to Rhod Gilbert's Best Bits, some of the best bits of my Saturday morning radio show, live on BBC Radio Wales. This week, I'm in a studio in Cardiff with Mr. Chris Corcoran　もし君がこれを聴いているなら、君はロッド・ギルバーツ・ベスト・ビッツを聴いているということにほかならない。

Happy New Yeah, I suppose, uh, is in order / I / been here / well さて、明けましておめでとう、と言うべきだろうな。/ long / 19the of January / say / because / first time / gonna say / 2008 / that's wrong. two thousand ... what is it? / 2013 / 部屋には言ったろう？もう１月19日だぞ。 / ええと、二千 ... 何年だっけ。2013 年だ。 / first time on air / written / now / write / these days / you don't do your homework anyomre, so ... 宿題をやることもないし。 / write it / I suppose ... well, / I've been on holiday, so I / written any / amusing / postcard / in the days gone by. / Yeah, but / date / would you? / postcard / would you / on the top? / Yeah / first feature. If you write / 今時、ハガキに日付を書くかな？ ... よし、コーナーにしよう。「君はハガキに日付を書くか？」コーナー。 /Jot that down, Korky / anyone ... / feature / would / jot / best / under 35 / reference / point at all / most of this show, I imagine. / What? / reference point / under 35 / Oh yeah. / to be honest, we are talking about __ demographics of the listeners / 22nd of December, 2012. / let me write that down / jot that down / everybody / written it down yet / have a go 書いてみるといい。/ it's quite fun / writing down / if you haven't done that yet, / that's the thing that / used to make / oh, no, oh, ... / just / sign it / mistake 書くのはいいけど、たいていそこで間違えるんだよね。/ April / even in May / sometimes / ４月になっても間違うことがある。ひどいときは、５月になっても前の年を書いたりする。/ still writing / hang on a minute / now / your own experience / my own experience / それは自分の経験に照らし合わせて言っているのだね？ / happy new year / you / everyone / out there / had a great Christmas / I have to say / yesterday, I got, uh, an email from / I was on holiday / everyone / in the middle of my holiday / right / producer, saying / we can't / too dangerous. We can't, uh, / we can't get Korky / basically, ladies and gentlemen, / Cardiff / show from Swansea / BBC Wails said, " / possibly ask Korky to drive / Swansea / not / conditions / snow / travel all the way to Swanzy / said / All right." ... What was that? What do you make of that? / Radio Wales / who they value around here / star / this show / is / not me / head / they / too dangerous / more likely / Swanzea / ask / said / come to Cardiff / fair enough / fine / what time are you coming? / what time / what time / coming / today / one minute to eleven / one munute to 11 I got here / precarious / road was precarious / don't drive / skidded / backwards down the M4, not deliberately, / spinning round / 4 or 5 / knocking / livestock out of the way / chain / did you see / eyebrows when I came in here? / frosted ... frosted eyebrows, I came in here with / yeah / didn't I? / You did, yeah. / 休暇の真っ只中に、プロデューサーからメールが来た。こやつが言うには、/ コーキーはカーディフに、オレはスワンジーにいた。/ 俺はスワンジーでやろうって言ったんだよ。 / 道路の状態が良くないからねえ。こんな中、遠くからわざわざスワンジーまで来てくれなんて、とてもコーキーには頼めないよ。/ では、私がカーディフに行きます。/ 「オッケー。何時に来る？」... って、どういうこと？ どう思う？ / これで、ラジオ・ウェールズがどの人材を大事にしてるかが明らかになった。 / オレは 11 時 1 分前にたどり着いた。 / あっちこっちでスリップしながら / たまに牛や馬を道路から追い立てたりして / 眉毛まで凍らせて

been on holiday / holiday / various places around / I / just been getting my life back / on tour for 8 months ８ヶ月に渡るツアー / living / hotel / unpack / things / gonna talk about / have you ever made a lasagna ラザニアを作ったことはあるか？ / No. ないなあ。 / I thought ... Right. / let me / Yeah. Go. / right / and, uh ... you know / see / going / if / tonight / would you / A: That / really quite simple and straightforward / consuming / an hour or two まあ、１、２時間かかる / or / do you see / a massive thingy __ / yeah / take nearly four hours ４時間もかかる / can I have somewhere in-between that? / well / last / C: / somewhere between that / somewhere between that / as far as / B__, as everyone knows, is A. ... In fact, less than A ボロネーズは、皆知ってるように、A だ。いや、実際のところ、A にも満たないといっていい。/ yes / Oh. Is lasagna really hard? / it's / I thought / quite easy もしかして、ラザニアって難しいの？ ラザニアって難しそうに見えて意外と簡単だよって話をするのかと思った。/ quite easy / no / four hours / it took me to cook a l__. / No. / 11 o'clock at night / to be honest / normal dinner time when I'm on tour and things ツアーとかそういったときは / different / off stage / holiday / take so long? 何でそんなに時間がかかるの？/ because that's how long it takes. かかるんだよ。そういう料理なんだ。 / Why, though? だけど、なぜ？/ because / make / bolognaise source, ... right, / how long for that / half an hour? / let / minutes / put in the oil / well / this / you've gotta まず、すべての材料を揃えなければならない。/ all in there / mince / know / for / start / have / find the recipe / pork and beef / what about / I didn't look / l__ recipes / I didn't realize / supposed / knew that / yeah / innit? / you didn't ... did you / go back / pork l__ / pork mince / right / for a start. That's not even included / 4 hours / don't start thinking that いいか、その時点では、まだ作り始めてもいないからな。/ was drving そっから車で引き返すのに２時間。それを除いて４時間だ。/ I didn't realize that either / I'm understanding your story だんだんわかってきた。/ see where you are going 話が見えてきた。 / ビーフ・ラザニアのレシピを見ればよかったのに。/ いいか、オレが見てたのは、「ビーフ・ラザニア」のレシピじゃない。オレが見てたのは、「ラザニア」のレシピだ。 / nutmeg / ナツメグ / no / know that either / yeah / I didn't bother そんな面倒なことはしなかった。/ two separate / skipped that それもとばした。 / if / do / one at a time, and then / on your list / I went / I thought / lasagna sheets / source / that kind of stuff / source / know / what / to be honest with you 正直言って知らなかった / white source / but / just / call / source / says / all the moisture's gone, right 水気がなくなるまで煮ろって書いてあるんだ。 / that took ages. Ages. それには悠久の時を要した。 / add a bottle of wine, で、次にワインを一本分注ぎ入れろと書いてあったんだが、 / and it said / completely disappeared / that took another 45 minutes それに 45 分かかった。/ or a glass / まあ、ボトルではなくグラスかも知れないけど / and then / do something else with it, and / cook for two hours さらに２時間煮ろと。 / And that's not even / once / put / oven / for / right / never / get involved / never ever / have you got that? / write that down, mate. いいか、ラザニアを作ろうなどと思うな。絶対に思うな。わかったか？ 大事なことだから書いとけ。/ looking back / did / amazing vegetarian lasagnas / of course / is that easier? ベジタリアン・ラザニアのほうが簡単かな / Of course 簡単に決まってるだろ。/ give / tofu mince / start 最初に豆腐を温めりゃいいんだから。/ true / beef __ and pork __ / vegetables / well, you ... it depends on what you are doing / yeah / perfectly legitimate / lasagna using / that's true / I was just / get / I'm just saying / did a great lasagna / I'm just saying / that fact / don't get involved / tell you / because I cooked it last week 先週のことだが / me / up / really picked you / tell you the thing / on the cake / trust / cooked __ for four days ４日に渡り / because / cooked one for eight people / Well, non-stop? ノンストップでか？/ Pretty much. ほぼな。/ pretty much ... well, apart from breakfast / every / and then, last night / going off because / five days / how big was it? 八人分だ。/ Guiness Book of Records ギネスブックに載るぞ。/ made / Right. / So, last night, I / chuck / out / What a shame. 残念だな。 / did it taste nice, though. / I was really wound up ... what? / did it taste nice / all right / you / punchy. If a lasagna walked in here now もし今、ラザニアがここに遊びに来やがったら、/ unlikely / I'd kick his little ... kick his little ... in. I'll ... I'll rip him mince from ... from pasta sheet / 手をつっこんでパスタシートからミンチを引きずり出して ... / sheets back / I'll peel all sheets back, stuff a little ... a frozen pea under the bottom layer / good for you / all / couple / so long / off my chest / I'll launch it. I'll launch this feature / is it / against pasta パスタへの復讐か？/ no / it comes from / article this week / all the papers / how celebrity cookbook 有名人の料理本はよく売れるが、作る人は滅多にいないらしい。 / under / use the same / make / old recipes / that's / really good / I thought / I devised the formula 数式を考案した。/ Yeah? / this is how much time I've got holiday これは、休暇中おれがいかに暇だったかを物語るものだ。/ mathematical equasion to work out your ... well, I / call / your N__bility / __ness / this mathematical equasion ... it gives you your H__B__y この数式で、人の __度を算出できるのだ。/ That's really good / actually / good / name? すごいコーナーだ。コーナー名と同じくらい、中身も面白いといいけど。 / No. それはない。/ This was the ... uh ... this was the ... uh ... article I was reading: "Celebrity / digest / report / what it says / celebrity / bought by adventurous home chefs, but more than 40% of celebrity cookbooks are destined never to be opened. 決して開かれることはないと運命付けられている。 / I can understand that. / ambitious recipes / least likely to attempt / of course / according to a survey アンケートによれば / uh ... bluh bluh bluh ... / anyway, broadly, um ... recipe books are intimidating, bluh bluh bluh, ... we don't use them. 料理本に書かれていることは難しすぎて、/ the study found / typical / out of which, four / have never been used / I thought / looking back / I must have been incredibly bored / this / remotely interesting now 今見ると、クソも面白くねえな。でもこれを考えてたときは、すごく退屈で、こんなことでも楽しかったんだ。 / because / took time / I must have been ... exactly, 我ながら、よほど退屈していたようだ。/ yeah / I must have been so bored / beach in Wales / amazing / doing / working out / equasion to devise my own N__bility / huh / work / all the time / my own M__B__ness / This is the equasion. / Yeah. / Jot this down. / Yeah. / ウェールズのすばらしいビーチ。そこでオレが何をしていたかと言えば / これがその方程式だ。書き取ってくれ。 / x over y ... / Yeah, / ... equals your N__bility. / OK. ... Wow, you __ __ __ some thought / x over y equals your __ / applies to both / the same thing. I / just / different names / x over y / Oh, is that what it is? / y 分の x / pointed / out / M__B__ness / x ... x is the number of cookbooks you own / where x is / where, x ... / yeah / ... is / yeah, / is the number ... I'm using / make that quicker / own / jot that down. / Yeah, / and where y is the number of reccipes you have / in your portfolio, in your a__ / in your arsenal ... in your recipe arsenal / yeah / how many cookbooks / x / find your x / about ... five. / ... Get off 何言ってやがる。/ What? What am I supposed to say? 何？ 何て言えばよかったの？ / let's do this properly まじめにやろうじゃないか。/ trouble of オレがせっかく苦労して数式を考えてやったんだから / scientific formula / mathematical equasion, mate / let / vegetarian / fish one / right / four / yeah / I've got, um ... / is that it? それっぽっち？ / fact / you know / really healthy / all / five / I'm not using that / clearly / using / I don't think / I thought / obvious / five / for the sake of this, I / I can easily ten. I don't mind / N__bility. What's the point if you lie? ウソついたら意味がないよ。/ Well, all right, fair enough わかったよ。 / right / Five. / where eleven / sorry / where y, uh, is the number of recipes in your a__ / OK / really good / knock that off / one / I can do a pork dish. That's my speciality 豚肉料理。僕の得意料理だ。/ I don't know what it's called 名前はわからない。/ sounds like / modern equivalent of Spam / no. it's really nice / pork / you cut up a pork / name / I can't remember it / from a recipe book? 料理本に載ってたのか？ / Yeah, yeah. / pork / it's got, like / be__ / yeah, but it isn't / roll it in, uh, flour 小麦粉の中で転がし、 / fry / put / lemon, and then / something else with it / a few __ __ house / let me tell you this. Let me tell you this ひとつ言わせてもらう。/ for a recipe to make it into your a__l , / Yeah, / you have to いいか、あるレシピを自家薬籠中のものと言い張るには、名前を言えなければならない。 / You can't go / something / pasta / bring it up / touchy subject はばかられる話題だ / on the side / all in / all in / kind / lemon / kind of / fry / pork and pasta / that's great. / Right. / what they should call it. そいつはいい。それを正式な名前にしよう。 / that's two recipes so far 今のところ、レシピ２個。 / yeah / Three. / baked bean and toast / Four, / o__ オムレツ / five / Yeah. Baked potatos / yeah / give / Christmas dinner / seven / about / you couldn't, for example, make bacon and eggs? ベーコン・エッグくらい作れないか？ / bacon and eggs / eight / boiled eggs ゆで玉子。/ nine / Yeah. Um ... I could do soups スープができる。/ I've done ... / what do you mean / soup スープができるってどういう意味だよ？/ are you talking about / provided / smooth / soups / I'm not / we do not, in this test, / do / split / consomme and chawders / you are happy to differenciate between egg ... um ... recipes? / no, I'm not / of course you can / totally different / exactly / chunky soup is different / boiled egg / recipe, though? __ it? Really? / How would you do it? / Well, I'll bring the ... uh ... / put / in / cold water / bring / fair play / recipe / I'm / finished / it's already / It's already two steps / recipe / book / anything / like an apple / recipe. Apple, not. / ゆで玉子がレパートリー？ マジかよ。どうやって作るか言ってみろ。/ ええと、まず水をはって、玉子を入れて、沸騰させて ... / よかろう。/ 続きがあるのに。/ もういい。すでに立派なレシピだ。/ そうなの？/ ステップが２つあれば、立派なレシピだ。ステップが１つのもの、それはレシピとは呼べない。/ リンゴとか？/ リンゴとか。リンゴにレシピはない。リンゴ飴になら、レシピはある。/ stupid equasion / y is the number of recipes in your a__ / ten / now then, so / x over y / divide 5 by 10 / get my calculator / calculator out / minus / divided by 10 / 0.5 is your N__bility / your / OK / that / tell / bad at all. Not bad at all. Congratulations / I see / You are / right / get your top off / わかったら、脱げ。/ see __ __ __

Now then, let's get back / ok / x / ladies and gentlemen / for / welcome back to / Rhod's N__bility, M__B__ness or H__ / equasion / equals one of those things, where x is / owned / y / number of / So, Rhod / Yeah, / how many cookbooks do you own for your y letter / book / for your / x / how many cookbooks do I own? I would say / including cocktail / drink recipes / would estimate / by the way / ruling it out / I'm gonna add 0 / food cookbooks / OK / "I don't know" is the answer / estimate / is a bit of / grey area / fifteen cookbooks / OK / load of cookbooks / known for his cookbooks 料理本の数にかけちゃ、右に出る者はいないぜ。/ known / 札付きの料理本持ちだ。 / anyone's interested? Stuck up / shelf / rack / do you want a glass of wine? / I'm fine / take out / get / what's / Ask me that. 訊いてくれよ。 / What's your y? / my / number / owned / have / now, l__ / well / had / boiled egg / you / same as mine? / of course I've got them. I can cook the same / as / you don't own them ゆで玉子はおまえだけのものじゃない。 / boiled eggs / my recipes / different / don't start / straight おまえとはやり方が違う。冷水から始めたりはしない。熱湯に玉子をぶちこむ。/ that cracks the eggs, you fool そんなことしたら玉子が割れちゃうよ。 / can / do / admit / how / do / boiling / poached / this week / I bought a pair of egg-poacher__ / what for? / from a hardware / if anybody's interested / I was informed / perfect / perfect / comes out / minutes / perfectly bad / in two ... two minutes flat / excellent one in three / why did you buy that なんでそんなもの買ったの？ / obviously a busier man than you / three minutes お前と違っておれは忙しいんだ。その１分が惜しいんだよ。/ extra / at the moment / boiled and poached eggs / beans on toast / Om__. I can do a good o__. オムレツが作れる。うまいオムレツを。 / French style. Uh ... I can do / gangnum style / no / I'm not / that's a shame / Uh ... curries / yeah / chili / time / chili / baked potatos / you / definitely / I / I can do, uh, sort of, seabass / like, uh, you know / ginger / chili / dressing / flour / lemon / I can do that as well / kippers. I do / I can do that. / Well, you should have thought / your turn / memory / measure my / memory ボクの料理の数じゃなくて、記憶力を試されてるみたいじゃないか。/ out / right / kippers / lovely / that / anyone can do that 誰だってできる。/ hang on a minute / I / kipper / immediately / actually / hang on. Do you ever have / about / boiled / breakfast? / Yeah. / No. / ok / breakfast / bacon / put black pudding / different ingredient / bacon / eggs / Cereal / I can do that / should have said / chance だから、自分の番のときに言えばよかっただろ。/ if / furious. / no / loads / do / can you make icecream? / No. / soups / you said soups / do / yeah / ok / do vegetarian chili / does that count / chili / recipe / but / c__ mince / leave / that / can / sandwiches / as well / should have thought of it / salad / redo yours in the second half 仕方ないから、後半でおまえの番をもう一回やるか。/ salad / I can do salads. I'm good at salads / should have mentioned it / chance / know / do / what / meat / hang on a minute / christmas / jot these down / I can do beef / chicken / yeah / ramb / can you / vegetarian option / sausage / two / one / yeah / end / invented / OK. ... Which one do you use most? / Mine. / two weeks / pointless / he's an idiot. 皆さん、こいつバカです。 / let's stop it there. / 15 / books I own / 25 / my / cu__linary recipe arsenal / ok / so / work / then / divide 15 by 25 / your Ni__bility is 0.5 / then / better / than I have / go / 15 / divided / score of / 0.6. / ... I don't believe it ! ウソだろ！/ Boom! In your face / my H__ / one higher than you / I've got 25 recipes / yeah / more / recipes / more / 15 recipe books / 25 / you've got 5 books / boiled おまえなんて、料理を５つしかできない。しかもそのうちの一つはゆで玉子だ。そんなやつにオレは負けたのか。/ do / well, all I can say is / equasion is rubbish / makes me a chef / my / rubbish 今のオレに言えることは、オレが発案したこの方程式は、クソの役にも立たないということだ。/ そうだね。この方程式によれば、ボクはシェフってことになるしね。

we / N__bility / sounds / just / your / new equasion / x / number / y / number / c__ arsenal / own no cookbooks 料理本を一冊も持っていません。 / liverpool / five / zero divided by / lower / point / very / beat / Lloyd / sometimes co-host / with me / quick / do / it doesn't matter / anything / nothing / frozen / it defied the laws of physics ロイドの料理は物理の法則を否定するものなんだ。 / hear this / cook / rare / off he went / frozen / after about ten minutes 10 分もすると、 / little / Rhod ... Rhod ... Rhod / came / look through / light / on / there / pizza / started / shelf / folded / like a cram / outer / touching at the top / turned into a vertical calzone. タテ型カルツォーネ / no / yeah / through / still / imagine / closes / top / no way / yeah / that's / for the moment / Liverpool / lead / zero / N__ity / yeah / god bless you / don't worry / track / seven years / what / nobody どうせ誰も聴いてない。/ today's evidence / best bits / tune in next week / isn't / gifts / need / if you need one / distract / satisfaction at all / here it comes / need / any bodily function / it's a pleasure / really true / anybody / if you need it, it's a pleasure / yeah / yeah / Rhod / l__ / BBC Radio Wales / about l__ / yeah / this week / devil's own job / out / five days / started to go off / you / surplus / surplus / Rhod / cheese / microwave / OK / know / how / make / from scratch with milk and n__ / half / I didn't / milk / other / melt / butter / flour / kind / quite good at that / thank you / why / you can cook / microwave / unnecessarily difficult recipe 必要以上に難しいレシピ / half an hour, max かかっても３０分 / to cook / my / two / hours / recipe / buy / red / wait / completely / two hours / absurd. Absurd / right / best / easier one / actually / sick of l__ / touchy subject / touchy subject / leave / maybe in time ... maybe in time / you're / believe that / dear Rhod and Korky / roasted / peppers / that / yam / diet / but that doesn't ... you know, did we ask / cooking / tell / yeah / recipe / that's what we are after / Christmas present / count / negative one, Tom from Cardiff / we are dealing with statistics / bother / initially / more / generocity rather than your / only / gave it away / directly / N__ity / change / as new / never yours / straight / affect / unaffected / need to throw it away / put half in the freezer 捨てることはない。半分は冷凍庫にしまえばいいじゃない。/ very personal 個人的なことを聞いてくれるな。 / wasn't / use / if / couldn't / simple reason / don't オレがそれを冷凍庫に入れなかったのは、オレは冷凍庫を持っていない、というとても単純な理由からだ。/ no / in fact / know / bought / keep / box, outside the house / and it's fine / gin / bit / bit / out / garden / put them in ジントニックに氷が欲しいと思ったら、外に出てとってくるんだ。/ seasonal 季節に左右されるソリューションだな。/ good / I'm open / keeps up / am / nothing / warm gin&tonic / true / ice / bag / nobody / ice / bag / icecubes / you ./ perfect for me. Bargain. I would pay / twice that お買い得だ。倍の値段でも買うと思うよ。/ quite / put / freezer / obvious / message / used to have a cookbook / one / give it away / use it / well / good / point １冊しかない料理本を、なぜ人にあげたりするんだ？ なぜ？ / 使わないからじゃないか？/ 一理あるな。 / I'm / 1 over 12 / recipes / minus / fair / away / over / minus / lead / minus / like / hang on a minute ちょっと待て / sorts / expect / Martin / lead / 0.08 / in second position / third place / we have Korky with / 0.6, me / - / negative figures / you didn't 予想外だろ / badly / level with you / anywhere whatsoever こんなコーナーに反応があるというのが予想外だ。

dear / strongest point / really not / anything divided / 0 / infinity, not 0. / value / large / etc. / ... Interesting. ... Thanks, G__ T__ in Germany / good / here / earlier / M__B__ness / yes / we / N__ity / same one / decided / what about this / ratio / that is pretty good / J__Oliver ratio / says / mine / 1 / last place / take / one / lot of recipe books / sleeve / how / I'm not last. Brilliant.　任意の数を 0 で除算すると、無限大となる。したがって、所有している料理本の数がゼロの場合、ナイジェラビリティは無限大となる。/ というわけで、オレは最下位ではなくなった。ああよかった。

if / live on Saturday mornings / BBC Radio Wales, 11 till 1.